To Protect You
by Apapazukamori
Summary: Selfdeception is the hardest lie to stop. [Part one in a series][Ranken]


**To Protect You...**

Sometimes I wonder if a relationship that began with violence is much better than no relationship at all. 

I wonder what would have happened if I had never met him. To be precise, I do know that I would not have been sitting in a hospital with three broken ribs that were not mission-related. Oh, but I pretended they were. I had to. No one would understand what had happened, why it happened, or why I had allowed it. If I stopped him, he might have taken his anger out on Omi. Or Yohji, though Yotan could use a good ass kicking once in a while. He might hurt Sakura, or one of the girls that frequent the shop. I can't allow that. He has no outlet for his anger, except for his sister, and me. And he would never, *ever* hurt her. He would never hit someone who was weaker and couldn't fight back. 

I do say "couldn't" very deliberately. I can fight back, but I choose not to. I could, but I won't. I don't know why, other than because I love him. Maybe it isn't love, just a perverted lust that makes me think he is the most important person in my life. He wants me too, but not the way I would prefer, if things were different. Either way, I know exactly what I am to him. I know, I understand, and I accept. 

This time, he had been careless. He has never hit me where someone could see. It began in the fall, and I could cover the bruises from where he grabbed my arms, the scratches on my legs and... I could cover them with long sleeves and pants. The colder it becomes, the easier it is to hide. But he's never broken anything before. I don't know what happened two nights ago, but his fury was beyond anything I have ever seen. The wrong thing was said, the wrong response followed, and the bones under my skin snapped like kindling. And it was after an easy, successful mission, so there was no way I could say the injuries were from that. 

Luckily for me, luckily for him, I had a day off and the day after, today, was a national holiday, so I had no work. I could stay in my room, downing aspirin and codeine cold medicine to stop the pain and knock me out. I didn't have to worry about him doing anything else for a while. It had become routine. He would project his anger on me, then ignore me for days. Hurt my spirit as much as he hurt my body. I usually used the time to heal as best I could before the next round. This time, I needed the space more than usual. Then my chance came. Manx showed up with a mission and I saw the opportunity to become injured in the eyes of everyone else. 

And that is why I am in the hospital now. Some thug kicked my injured ribs and I passed out from the pain. I hope it was believable; how could it not be? 

"Hidaka-san?" 

I look up at the doctor. Something in him reminds me of a grandfather, or elderly uncle. He seems too gentle and tender to be working for Kritiker. All their other doctors operate like military medics. Sew 'em up and get rid of 'em. The doctor sits next to my bed on one of those hard plastic chairs and gives me a warm smile. "How am I?" 

A soft chuckle. "You're fine, Hidaka-san. You've had a couple broken ribs, but nothing we couldn't fix. You're just going to be careful for a couple weeks until they heal completely." 

I nod, smiling. In my head, I know that I'll adjust. Offer my right side instead of my left. If the ribs don't heal, they'll wonder. "That's great, doctor." I say, still smiling. "When can I go home?" 

The kindly face saddens slightly. "Hidaka-san, I have some questions I'd like to ask you." I tilt my head in silent inquiry, wondering what he could possibly want to know. Everything is there in my charts, all he needs to do is sign my release and I'll go back to my normal routine. 

"What do you want to know, doctor?" 

"Hidaka-san, when did you break your ribs?" 

My body turns cold. "I'm sorry?" 

"We fixed your ribs, Hidaka-san," the doctor began. "But you came very close to puncturing a lung. There was some scarring around the area, and some of the bones had begun to set when you were brought in. With a break, you have to set the bones correctly immediately, or they begin to heal improperly. It can cause severe damage to your body, and render you ineffective." The man adjusted his glasses. "Your breaks were not a fresh injury." 

I will not panic, I will not let him see anything. I used to be awful at hiding my feelings, but I've had ample practice over the past few months. "They were broken two nights ago." 

The wrinkled mouth pulls into a concerned, confused frown. "Your group reported no injuries that night." 

They can't find out. If they knew what he was doing, they wouldn't understand. To them, he will only be endangering a member of the team, hurting the group as a whole. He'll be killed or sent away. Either way, I'll die when he goes. I can't have that. They don't understand that I can't live without him. 

"The others didn't know." I say, looking at the sheets clenched in my fingers. "I hid them." 

"But why?" 

I could lie. I am so close, and it would solve my problems. I could do it. I could become the very thing that I hate most. 

"I got hurt early on, and the mission was important. I didn't want to cause problems for the group, so I hid them. I didn't know how bad I'd been hurt, and I figured that with a couple days' rest, I would be fine." I offer the doctor a sheepish look. 

I am already something I hate. 

  


_Yeah, it's a bastard Aya fic. No, I have no idea where it came from. CnC appreciated, I'll take anything you want to give me ^_^_

Weiß Kreuz is the property of Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß. 


End file.
